Dear Jen,
A few years ago, right after high school, I dated a girl who is one half of a pair of identical twins. We had a great time together, but it wasn’t meant to be. A year ago, I randomly ran into her twin sister, who is getting a divorce after an early marriage. We hit it off for a while, but then things started getting a little strange. I found out she was seeing a therapist and was on some medication due to depression. She would be the life of the party one minute, then completely freaking out the next.
I am afraid to totally end it because she could lose it-she has a couple of times when I have tried. I have told her that we should just be friends, but now that friendship includes constant e-mails and instant messages and it is driving me insane. She complains how our relationship was the best, I was the best sex partner ever-yadda, yadda, yadda. I feel as if I can’t move on. I wish I were making this up. What should I do?
Dear Fatal Attraction,
Damn, I wish you were making this up too!
She reminds me of Lara Flynn Boyle’s character in “Wayne’s World.” Did she buy you a gun rack?
Isn’t it scary how someone you once had interest in can become a complete crazy-ass, or even just so much less unattractive, seemingly overnight?
OK, let’s talk about this woman for a bit, shall we? She just got out of a relationship and probably never thought that she would meet anyone worthwhile again.
Then you come into the picture, someone a bit familiar to her and, apparently, a tiger in the sack, and she thinks, “Aha-found one!”
She is also dealing with a bit of depression. What better to alleviate that depression than by dating someone new? In the early stages of dating, your body actually produces chemicals that make you feel happier. Apparently, she’s hooked.
However, just because she can’t move on, that doesn’t mean that you can’t.
Being dumped is devastating. However, to completely get over a failed relationship, she has to know that there is no hope of getting back together.
Since the relationship was once good, she has hope that it can be that way again.
Do not underestimate the power of denial: “He doesn’t really like that girl he is with-how could he with those eyebrows! Ever heard of tweezers?!”
Yeah, we think this way.
You have to break things off completely for a while-no friends, no instant messaging. She has to get used to you not being around at all.
Maybe talk to her sister-she could have some insight.
Tell her that, for now, you guys can’t have any contact-be honest, tell her that you are overwhelmed, and that things need to cool off before you can be friends again. Be gentle, yet firm-emphasize that you think she is great, but that you need a little quiet time.
If all else fails, there is always the witness relocation program.