ASUU sucks, and we can prove it

It’s that time of year again.

A seeming atmosphere of normalcy settles back into the offices of the Associated Students of the University of Utah after another year of useless student body elections for another pair of talking heads who say a lot but don’t really say anything at all.

That time of year when your loyal college journalists begin to slowly peter out, chugging along endlessly producing news stories nobody reads, but ones which everybody still manage to whine about in our opinion pages.

So, in an attempt to bridge the gap between the most underappreciated organization on campus and its counterpart, the most privileged, we embark on an annual rite of passage: the Chronicle/ASUU staff basketball game on the floor of the Huntsman Center.

This year’s action is scheduled to take place today at 4 p.m., and admission is free of charge.

What really pisses us Chronyites off about our neighbors across the hall is their smugness.

“I can’t wait to see the look on Anthony’s face when we kick their ass,” said senior copy editor Danyelle White.

Chronicle editor in chief Sheena McFarland said she was looking forward to the game for another reason.

“This will be the first time anybody’s actually seen Adrian Johnson in any sort of ASUU capacity in at least six months,” she said.

But one ASUU senior staffer expressed confidence about the outcome of today’s game.

“Let me tell you why people become sportswriters. Because they aren’t good enough to actually play,” said United Leadership Council chairperson Spencer Ricks.

ASUU feels it has the run of the campus, and we, the objective and unbiased, highly professional and mature journalists we are, feel it’s our God-given duty to knock it off its ivory tower every chance we get.