Erection results

I think we can all agree that there can never be enough sex on television. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving for more “Girls Gone Wild” DVD ads while watching “The Daily Show” with my little sister.

And I just can’t get enough of those great Coors commercials that depict “Guys’ Night Out” as a bunch of horny 20-somethings hitting on seemingly equally horny women over a game of foosball. Man, have I been hanging out with the wrong people.

So I was just elated to hear about Levitra’s latest ad campaign. Levitra, of course, is one of several erectile dysfunction treatments currently available on the market.

But in an attempt to get a leg up on getting it up, they’ve taken their ad campaign to an all-time, red faced high.

The concept is simple: a beautiful woman (whew, I thought this was going to be a contrived gimmick there for a second) purrs lustily into the camera about how much more sexual energy and appetite her lover has.

“For him Levitra works-just look at that smile,” she says.

She then expresses her satisfaction that the experience makes her partner want to “do it more often.”

Though the ad doesn’t air any earlier than 9 p.m. due to its racy content, execs at Levitra’s parent company, Bayer, are ready to slip from the bounds of subtlety and go for the jugular.

Writer’s note: The following is an actual direct quote from a Bayer executive. The columnist is not responsible for any allusions or puns that may follow.

“At this point in time, we’re pleased with our performance. We’ve done an impressive job in our launch. This is not a sprint,” Bayer vice president of men’s marketing Nancy Bryan told The Associated Press in an interview.

Though lines like that are nothing new to the ears of men (except for maybe the part about not sprinting), I’m a bit concerned that corporate bigwigs don’t have a problem exploiting what is, all joking aside, a traumatizing and psychologically debilitating medical condition.

We’re not talking about hair loss here.

For men who do suffer from erectile dysfunction, seeing a beautiful woman seducing the camera or watching some stay-at-home Monday morning quarterback hurl a football through a tire (was that symbolism lost on anybody?) can’t make things easier.

The industry standards now are a far cry from what they were just five years ago, when Viagra’s parent company, Pfizer, paid for an ad that featured perennial GOP presidential candidate Bob Dole describing erectile dysfunction as a serious medical condition.

I think it’s misleading. Is Levitra trying to say that by using its product, men will become sexual beings who can’t get it off their minds?

Call me naive, but I’m sure there are some customers out there who want a product that will fix a common problem without making them feel like a 15-year-old with a fast Internet connection and no adults at home.

I could keep going, but there’s a new “Girls Gone Wild” commercial on, and I have to call my sister.

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