The Velvet Calendar

August 27


Crimson Nights

Calendar is tired of your bitching. We know everyone commutes to campus. We know parking sucks. We know you think there is nothing to do and some mornings you wake up with this weird feeling in your stomach you can’t wholly attribute to a hangover, where you don’t feel like you are in college at all, despite the fact that you’re paying tuition out the ear and have class at 9 a.m. every morning. Where are all the kids? Where do people hang out? The short answer is: nowhere. But, we can change that. Crimson Nights, starting at 9 p.m. in the Union, is an excellent opportunity for anti-social Utes to get out and meet one another. What better way to get some digits than by letting some cute co-ed kick your ass with over-sized boxing gloves? Or better yet, inside a giant sumo suit? Each year, the Union Programming Council organizes on a fluorescent display of dorky activities for Crimson Nights that are so much fun you should bring a change of pants. Plus, it’s free. Why wouldn’t you go? Look for calendar to be there: He’ll be the one with all the pixie sticks in his back pocket, in line for the karaoke competition. Super cool.

Back To School Bash at Suede

When people say “O.G,” they aren’t referring to Sean Connery in “The Untouchables.” No, more likely, they are referring to the granddaddy of rap music, KRS-One, whose picture is actually next to the term in most dictionaries. True story. Check out our concert preview for more information.

(Notable) New Movie Releases

At the end of “Anaconda,” the snake dies. Which clearly necessitates “Anacondas: The Hunt For The Blood Orchid.” Rated “R” for “Are you kidding me?” Hopefully, a hero will come to kill the snake(s?!) again. Or at least the people who green-lighted the movie.

We’re safe knowing that there’s one legit hero in town this weekend: Jet Li’s new film, “Hero,” an epic involving him kicking epic ass all over the Orient. “Kill Bill” director Quentin Tarantino (who’s overseeing the U.S. release of “Hero”) is down. We’re SO down.

Finally, Aaron Eckhart, Ben Kingsley and “The Matrix” hottie Carrie-Anne Moss try to track down some guy who’s killed, like, hundreds of people in “Suspect Zero.” Word has it that before it was re-worked, the original “Suspect Zero” script was up there with “Se7en.” After the rewrite? Either a flop or a classic. Not that that helps any of us.

Midnight at the Tower: “Wet Hot American Summer”

What happens when you put a group of people in the woods with nothing to do but get wasted, get horny and get down? Calendar knows from personal experience, do you? No? Too bad (really). But it’s not too late to save your soul: the Tower Theatre is presenting “Wet Hot American Summer” as its midnight movie this Friday and Saturday. Set in an upstate New York summer camp circa 1981, “Wet Hot” only begins to describe the film, starring cast members of the now defunct MTV sketch comedy show, “The State.” Get down, Charlie Brown!

Sweet Harmony Traveling Review

What a better way to close your weekend than this Sunday at Red Butte Garden with some friends, a cooler (which, FYI, you can bring in) and Grammy-nominated music from the best collection of Americana/Folk artists to play together since Willie Nelson started doing Gap ads. Remember when you actually started to like the “O’ Brother, Where Art Thou” soundtrack?

The Sweet Harmony Traveling Review, starring David Rawlings, Gillian Welch, Patty Griffin,and Emmylou Harris (!!) are a good platform for blame. The show starts on Sunday at 7 p.m. Tickets are on sale through Smith’sTix outlets everywhere.