Sept. 13MondayAnother Monday in the Salty City. If we told you we had a sodium-filled day of fun ready to make your soul and sweat leak out of your skin, would you believe us?

You should. Because there’s sodium and MSG and lots of other fun chemicals put into your food every time you go out to eat. Why not indulge? The Dine O’ Round 2004 has officially kicked off, and here’s how it works, folks.

First, go to www.dineoround.com and check out the list of participating restaurants, which are divided into two categories-the $15 restaurants and the $25 restaurants. Go to one of them; get a three-course meal for that price. That’s it. Participating restaurants include (in the $15 range): Caf Pierpont, Squatters Pub Brewery, California Pizza Kitchen; (in the $25 range) Baci, Bambara, Ichiban Sushi, Samba Grill, The Melting Pot, Metropolitian and Takashi. Go quick, because on Sept. 30, the Dine O’ Round ends. Seriously-it doesn’t get better than this, people.

Some would argue that it does, though. None of them are our friends, but still, there are the majority of people around here who would rather dish out the cash for the Utah State Fair, going on through Sept. 19 at the Utah State Fairgrounds. Why not go and catch country sensation Joe Nichols there tonight while you’re at it?

Because, people-the NFL’s season is in full gear, that’s why. Monday Night Football is why. There aren’t many reasons you should ever stay home, but this isn’t so much a reason as an excuse. A really solid, good excuse. And if you’re still forced to get out of the house? Go watch the game at Salt Lake City’s prime sports bar, SkyBar at The Gateway (only a 20-minute trax ride from campus). And if you’re too in debt from paying tuition and rent to pay for a bite at the Skybar, Give the world-famous and locally recommended Bally’s Race & Sports Book (702)-739-4111 in (Calendar’s hometown) Las Vegas, Nev., a ring. Speaking of which, they don’t “take” rings, so you’ll have to pawn it before you call them.

And if you’re looking for something less morally gross, and more morally engrossing, the play “Always…Patsy Cline” opens tonight and will run until Sept. 25 at the Grand Theater on Salt Lake Community College’s South City Campus. The show focuses on Cline’s cute little career that endeared her to people that liked “Fall To Pieces,” even if they didn’t. For more information, bother SLCC at 957-3322.

So you don’t like (cheap) fine dining, sports, sports bars, gambling, live theater, state fairs, live music, clowns, puppy dogs, ice cream, and world peace? Calendar still has something for you D-News loyalists-“LAX,” starring Heather Locklear and Blair Underwood has its series premiere tonight on NBC at 9 p.m. Alpha females, beta males, racially charged “chemistry,” the busiest airport in the world, and a little T & A never hurt a Monday…night’s chances of being damned to hell. Then again, there’s always “7th Heaven” (season premiere, WB, 7 p.m.). Pssh. Heaven, my caboose! Those kids don’t even get to drink soda!