Nov. 1MondayThere are days when we log onto the Smith’sTix site (www.smithstix.com) to see what they’re trying to drive us all bankrupt with now, and they have nothing. Something deep inside us smiles when we see that the local monopoly does things that have nothing to do…well, almost nothing. Here comes the quote from A&E press manager Chris Whipple: “For some reason, there’s nothing going on today. Personally, I think everyone should go to a bar and get wasted because tomorrow might just be the apocalypse.”Hey people, it’s in the newspaper. You better believe it.

Unfortunately, Smith and his homies had to come up with something. What it is, son? Oh, the 2003-2004 UVSC basketball season starts today. Go watch as those UVSC ballers take on conservative and liberal…oh, wait. These guys just shoot hoops? No liberal/conservative agenda? Word. UVSC finally seems to be getting things straight down there again. Granted, they might have gone 0-2 lately in causing that ruckus over booking two of the world’s biggest mouths, but their basketball prospects don’t look too bad: Last year, UVSC’s Division I basketball team went 23-5. Not so bad. If you want basketball, Smith’sTix has it. Each UVSC home game at the McKay Events Center will start at 7:05 PM unless otherwise specified. Tickets run from $2 to $6 and you can get them (yes, we know-we hate them too.) at Smith’sTix outlets everywhere.

Oh, the second entry! I guess we have to give you people something to listen to other than us. It might as well suck! Unless, of course, you like metal. Do you bling-out? Platinum, ice, gold? Gangstas and thugs everywhere, do yourself a service and check out the crowd at tonight’s Helmet show with Instruction at Club Sound (at In The Venue) around 7:30 pm tonight. A&E’s own Dan Fletcher wrote last month that a song on Helmet’s new album “climaxes in a narcolepsy inducing solo better fit for glam rock than legit metal.” Wait, no platinum? Guess not. If you think Metallica is “the greatest band on Earth” (something we actually heard this weekend…), go check out the Helmet show and we’ll send someone with lead pipes to restructure your musical tastes.

Or you could just go get some all-you-can-eat pizza with your booze tonight at the Cabana Club (31 E. 400 South).

Calendar, you’re so cool!

We know. That’s why we’re telling you that your best bet might be to just stay in and laugh at the world and the quick end it’s coming to. Tonight on NBC, those “clowns” down at Saturday NightLive are running their Election Special from 9-10 p.m. Watch as Horatio Sans eats 100 hot dogs dressed as John Kerry! Brilliant! Or if you’re the boring “I like facts” type, watch the PBS Election Special tonight from 9-10 p.m. Don’t say we didn’t warn you “fact” people. Because we just did.

And when you’re through watching the world going down (or through?) a toilet bowl, head over to Cheers To You (315 Main St.), where they salute hardworking Americans with $2 mug night. Don’t drink too much, you’re going to need to mark the right candidate come tomorrow. Not like it matters. Our prediction? The Wu Tang Clan will sweep the 2004 presidential ticket. More tomorrow.