God bless you please, Mrs. Calendar

Dec. 8WednesdayFive days until finals officially start, and strangely discolored (orange, to be exact) tissues are scattered across the library grounds. Not to make you paranoid or anything. Paranoid? Who’s paranoid? Why would anyone be paranoid when we’ve done all this studying? Numbers and answers and scantrons and files and…uh…um…

Strung Out (how timely) is playing Club Sound (600 W. 219 South at In The Ven/Schmenue) tonight with A Wilhelm Scream, Haste the Day (again: impeccable timing), and Only Crime. Tickets are $15 and the show begins at 7 p.m. Venture forth and relate.

The man who spoke with Jim Carrey’s ass in “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective,” the same man who gave Oscar-worthy (yet completely unrecognized) performances in “Surf Ninjas” and “Poetic Justice,” the same man behind the voice of Pee-Wee from “Bebe’s Kids” and C-Bear of “C-Bear and Jamal,” and finally, the hitmaker behind early ’90s radio staples “Funky Cold Medina” and “Wild Thing,” yes, Tone Loc is finally coming to Salt Lake City when he performs at The Standard Lounge (6121 Highland Dr.). Doors open at 8 p.m. and tickets are $15.

Or if you’re the more subtle (/broke) kind, The University Symphony and Philharmonic Chamber Orchestra will be rocking the Gardner Theatre (1395 President’s Circle) at 7:30 p.m. tonight. Tickets are $3. Inflation, inflation, inflation.

But we understand the need to make a few bucks for the holiday season, or even more-to save some. Hit the town and save money? Of course-makes perfect sense. So does Ladies’ Night at the Crazy Goat (119 S. West Temple)-drink specials include $3 Coronas, $3 Long Island iced teas, and $1 tacos. Goat? Yes. Crazy? We don’t think so.

But what is crazy is seeing everyone BUT college students at College Night around Port O’ Call (400 S. West Temple), where their infamous $2.50, 24 Oz. Big Ass Mug O’ Beer brings together 30-something alumni masses en masse every Wednesday night. Want to hear stories about the “glory days?” Here’s the place to do so.

Don’t care about “glory days?” In fact, if all you care about are “gloomy days,” then you’re in luck-they’re here arriving on the U.S.S. MallPunk steamer tonight, at Lo-Fi Caf (162 S. West Temple), when The Chemistry, The Contingency Plan and Chronic Future take the stage at 7 p.m. Tickets are $8; Smith’sTix has them.

Finally, but not-so-finally, the Best of American Cinema Film Series, hosted by distinguished professor in residence/screenwriter/Warrior King John Schulian ends tonight with his screening and follow-up discussion of “Closer” director Mike Nichols’ classic “The Graduate” tonight in LNCO, Room 1110. “The Graduate?” Pray you can get that far.

Don’t care about “glory days?” In fact, if all you care about are “gloomy days,” then you’re in luck-they’re here arriving on the U.S.S. MallPunk steamer tonight, at Lo-Fi Caf (162 S. West Temple), when The Chemistry, The Contingency Plan and Chronic Future take the stage at 7 p.m. Tickets are $8; Smith’sTix has them.

Finally, but not-so-finally, the Best of American Cinema Film Series, hosted by distinguished professor in residence/screenwriter/Warrior King John Schulian ends tonight with his screening and follow-up discussion of “Closer” director Mike Nichols’ classic “The Graduate” tonight in LNCO, Room 1110. “The Graduate?” Pray you can get that far.