The Chronicle’s View: Pay tuition fast and you won’t really be dropped

You didn’t pay tuition on time and now you’ve been dropped from your classes.

Some of you haven’t even realized it yet. Those of you who have are panicking and trying to weigh the pros and cons of either killing yourself or hiring a hitman to take care of your parents before they kill you.

Grab a paper bag, put your head between your knees and take a Valium. The U administration does have mercy.

If anyone who has not yet paid tuition pays it before the accounting office closes at 4:45 p.m. on Friday, he or she will be forgiven with a $60 late fee.

Even though you may have to skip several meals next month to make up for that $60 fee, it’s better than being called home by your parents to perform the hara-kiri belly-cutting in a traditional seppuku Japanese suicide ceremony. Or worse, they could send you to Snow College.

So no complaining! It’s awful nice of the U to allow that grace period. A tuition deadline was instituted a few years ago because it was impossible to ascertain the size of the student body until everyone had either dropped out or paid tuition.

The administration must know the size of the student body in order to make very important financial decisions.

Paul Brinkman, associate vice president of budget and planning, has to guesstimate during some of the most important financial meetings of the year until that deadline locks in the numbers.

The state Legislature begins considering how much money to give the U before that deadline, putting the administration in a tight position. President Young wants to give us as long as possible to pay tuition but he has legislators breathing down his neck to know how much money the school needs.

Even though a deadline is necessary, a grace period is not. To whom much is given, much is expected. This merciful grace period ought to change your life. No more honking at drivers who cut you off. No more freaking out at people cutting in line or talking in a movie. Others may honk, bicker and shout, but not you.

Humility is your new middle name.

So go get paid up and call that hitman off. Put the hara-kiri knife away (at least until you fail that math class). You can get back into your classes.

But if you procrastinate getting to the accounting office by Friday afternoon, I recommend using a newly sharpened filet knife.