Feb. 9WednesdaySo one time Calendar went down to Mexico-way to a little town called Tijuana-maybe you’ve heard of it? Anyway, being the nave ingnue Calendar was at the time (last Thursday), we managed to get ourselves into a whole mess a’ trouble-we saw this bottle with a worm in the bottom and we were like, “Whoa! How’d they do that!?” The guy holding the bottle handed it to us and said, “Why don’t you ask him, gringo?”And we got totally confused because worms don’t talk, so we just drank the worm-juice, and, long story short, we woke up in California four days later. The worm was nowhere to be found. Calendar feels so used.

Which is how you might feel tonight if you stumble your way over to Ego’s (668 S. State) around, say, 9 p.m. Word on the street is a bunch of big hairy apes are gonna jam some stuff into oblivion. Seriously. Hairy Apes BMX brings the jam-tastic sensibility to a private club near you for $7.

Hey, remember sophomore year? Sure you do-you were the kid in the locker/trash can. Don’t feel bad though, so was Calendar, and look how well we turned out! Anyway, sophomore year was characterized by a whole lotta angst, too many feelings, too many hormones and punk music. Which is about what to expect at the Sophomore Year show tonight at Lo-Fi Cafe (165 S. West Temple)-$8, 7p.m.

But, if you’re anything like Calendar, then you’re no longer a sophomore in high school-you’re a sophomore in college. Which means you need friends. Don’t have any? OK, got a few bucks? Head on over to the Kappa Kappa Gamma Spring Recruitment session tonight at 7 p.m. at 33 South Wolcott Street (Just off Greek Row). They won’t tell Calendar what really goes on at these things, but here’s the official propaganda: “Come meet the ladies of Kappa Kappa Gamma and learn more about sorority life! We will be making baby quilts for the YWCA and watching movies! Refreshments will be served.” Funny, huh?

Know what’s even funnier? “Cru: Unplugged” at 7 p.m. in the Panorama East room, in the Union. “We will be having multiple bands, poetry readings, fun and more! It will be a great time!” Haha, oh man…

Time for bars! College Night at Port O’ Call (400 S. W. Temple)-$2.50 Big Ass Mug.

College Night at Circle Lounge-$3 Sapporo and Sake Martinis.

Oh yeah, and there’s some stuff on TV:

“Slavery and the Making of America” on PBS at 8 p.m.

“Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica” (sounds like porn to Calendar…) 11 p.m. on MTV.

“Ashlee Simpson Show” (wait, she’s not dead yet?) 11:30 p.m. on MTV.