Dear Danni,
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about six months now, and we’re really good together. Her lease is up in a month, and I have been helping her look for a place. The other day when we were looking, she mentioned that it was kind of pointless to look for a place when she
is always sleeping over at my house, and I have a spare room for most of her stuff. I guess I hadn’t ever really thought about her ever moving in, but I don’t know if it’s just because she needs a place, or if I’m really ready to share a bathroom with her.
Danni, do you think it would cramp my style to have her crash at my place, or do you think it would make the relationship better?
Dear, “Trading Spaces,”
I can barely stand sharing my shampoo with my roommates, let alone sharing a dwelling with a significant other.
It’s not that I’m against you waking up next to the love of your life (if that is her real title). I’ve been there and done that to some degree. We hung things on our blank walls and picked out coasters together.
But no matter how long you’ve been dating, or how many times you’ve had sleepovers, there is still a distinct difference when you know she has her own bed to sleep in. It’s like knowing that if you wanted to, you could cancel the trial period of your Columbia Warehouse CD membership and still walk away. Just having that option creates peace of mind.
Let me also just mention that no decision I have ever made in haste, or out of convenience, has ever really turned out to be that convenient at all.
In fact, it was precisely those nightmare situations that would inevitably make me say to myself, “Who do I have to f*** to get out of this?!” To be frank, I think you need to walk away from this A.S.A.P.
Your girlfriend needing a place does not constitute a symbiotic move in the relationship. And her “backdoor” approach to asking you to move in together speaks of manipulation, insecurity, need and plain-old laziness on her part. Why doesn’t she just make a copy of your keys without you knowing? Seriously.
If indeed you two feel that you’re ready for that kind of step, regardless of her current living situation (which I don’t buy), then that’s one thing.
However, I guarantee you that any problems you currently have in the relationship will only be magnified once she realizes you really don’t cover your food in the fridge, that you leave pee droplets on the seat and that you leave wet towels on the floor.
The list goes on.
Still, if this is something you are truly serious about, then give it a try, but know the risks. It’s true that you never really know someone until you share a bed together for a long period of time.
But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I say agree to give up one Saturday to help her move, surprise her with a Pier One gift card and be done with it.
Pier One gift card: $100
Lunch: $15
Your own space and freedom: Priceless