Now that Valentine’s Day has passed and spring is nearing, hookups in the residence halls are blooming like daffodils. But not everyone is always happy with a couple’s newfound love.
Freshman Carrie Taylor knows firsthand that living with someone who has a significant other can be challenging.
“I had a roommate last semester whose boyfriend [slept] over four out of the five nights of the school week,” she said. “Sometimes it distracted me from doing my work. It made it hard for falling asleep sometimes, too.”
Sometimes residents might not feel comfortable even having a member of the opposite sex stay the night, said April Stevenson, an assistant Residence Life Coordinator.
Sophomore Akela Bellazetin said she agreed that when a roommate has a boyfriend or girlfriend, sharing a room becomes a challenge.
“It is annoying to not have privacy in my own room,” she said.
Mike Halverson, a freshman, also has experienced fallout from a roommate and his lover.
“I found a condom wrapper underneath my bed that I am pretty sure was not mine,” Halverson said.
Kyle Bybee, a residence life coordinator, said students like Taylor, Bellazetin and Halverson are not alone.
“It’s one of the more common problems that we deal with at least weekly,” he said.
According to the Residence Hall Handbook, anyone living in the halls may have a same-sex guest stay overnight, but for no more than three days in a 14-day period. However, residents in the Gateway Heights, Chapel Glen and Sage Point halls may not host an opposite-sex guest overnight.
Benchmark Plaza, Shoreline Ridge and Officer’s Circle residents may host an opposite-sex guest, but for no more than three days in a 14-day period.
Stevenson said that problems such as discomfort and a lack of communication sometimes stem from violating these visitation rules.
Bellazetin agreed.
“My roommate’s boyfriend sleeps at our dorm every night,” she said. “It’s frustrating to wake up and try to go and shower when he is there.”
In addition to the bathroom and other sharing issues, problems can also arise from displays of affection.
“My roomy comes home with girls and I can hear their wet kissing all of the time,” said Chris Lyle, a freshman on the swim team.
However, not all of the residents are unhappy about living with someone who has a lover.
“If it’s a positive experience and there is no major heartache involved, then I say more power to them,” said freshman Lisa Green.
However, when heartache is involved, living near an ex can become difficult, as senior Jorge de Amorim discovered.
“My roommate’s girlfriend lived right above us. Well, right after my roommate and his girlfriend broke up, whenever we would play our loud music, she would try and get us kicked out of the dorms,” he said.
Rather than launch a passive-aggressive attack against an ex or a roommate, residents should confront their roommates first, Stevenson said. The roommate might not even be aware of the visitation policy.
“The conversation needs to start with the roommate first,” she said. “Does the other individual know that the opposite sex guest can’t stay over?”
If that doesn’t work, Bybee suggests asking a Resident Adviser, then an assistant Residence Life Coordinator, to intervene.
“I wish people would come forward and tell us because that’s our job,” he said.
Stevenson added that residents always have the option of submitting an incident report anonymously at http://www.orl.utah.edu/staff/incident_report/.
“We want to help them feel comfortable,” Bybee said. “It’s their, home too.”