Calendar and Hobbes

March 8TuesdayOnce again, Spring Break has reared its beautiful head, and Calendar is ready to cut loose. The big draw this year is shark hunting off the coast of Antarctica. “But aren’t sharks found in warm water?” you say? Yeah, the wussy ones. We’re going after some massive Great Blacks. The ones that sneak up behind you and bite off your leg just to watch you bleed some. Then when you are about to go unconscious, they perform a blood transfusion and watch you bleed some more. What’s that you say? You’d rather spend your Spring Break in Cancun? OK Go, but don’t be asking for any of Calendar’s 15-lb. shark steaks. The Venue, 7 p.m., $12.

Last year Calendar went on one of those cruises around Baja. Wayne Brady was the “celebrity” guest, but was mysteriously thrown overboard after one too many improvised, “Hey, let’s think of funny things that rhyme with street” songs. Whose Values Are These Anyway? 12 p.m., Women’s Resource Center. Dr. Emma Gross discusses the backward shift in American values. Hopefully she won’t mention Drew Carey’s values.

Has anyone noticed how old Carson Daly is looking lately? Calendar hasn’t, because we don’t watch that crap. You can bet Daly will be at his stuttering best at Spring Break from Slutsville, Mexico. You can also bet he won’t be spinning any Pat Metheny Group. 7:30 p.m., Kingsbury Hall.

It’s always dangerous to come up with ideas for TV shows that are based on puns, but that’s not stopping ABC, which premieres “Blind Justice” tonight at 9 p.m. It’s about a mostly naked statue that uses it’s double-bladed scale to fight off evil conservative attorneys general from making them be less exposed. Actually, it’s about some stupid cop who can’t see, but Calendar can dream.

Have you ever wanted to find out which stream has the most soap residue? Well, you are in luck! “Lie Detector” has its series debut on PAX at 8 p.m. Wait, never mind, wrong lie. At least you will get to see people strapped to polygraph machines. Why do we get the overwhelming feeling that this will devolve into an error of redneck wives probing their husbands about their infidelity? Anyway, it’s shark-huntin’ time. Good luck.