Now see here: Movies Opening on 1/13/05

“Glory Road”

Directed by James Gartner

Josh Lucas plays a 1960s college basketball coach who thumbs his nose at convention when he fills his starting lineup with African-Americans.

Sure, sports are good at bridging the racial gap, but nothing says, “Why can’t we all get along?” like a Motown sing-a-long in a locker room. If “Glory Road” doesn’t have a scene like that, I’ll drive my car through a fruit cart. (PG)

“Last Holiday”

Directed by Wayne Wang

Her Royal Majesty Queen Latifah plays a reticent retail clerk who embraces “la dolce vita” when her brain scan looks…um…not so good.

Coincidentally, the Queen had just watched “Taxi” the night before. Paramedics found her on the living room floor, rocking in the fetal position, hysterically mumbling, “Stay away from me, Jimmy! Don’t come any closer! I’m warnin’ ya, Jimmy!” (PG-13)

“Tristan and Isolde”

Directed by Kevin Reynolds

“Before Romeo and Juliet there was Tristan and Isolde,” the ads tell us.

Yes, and before “Tristan and Isolde” there was “Tango and Cash,” truly the most heart-wrenching forbidden love story of all time. The scene in which Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell blow up a building real good has more homoerotic subtext than the entire above-text in “Brokeback Mountain.” (PG-13)

“Hoodwinked”

Directed by Cory Edwards, Todd Edwards and Tony Leech

It’s either a painfully hip and crudely animated comedy about Little Red Riding Hood and her forest pals, or it’s how ticket buyers will feel after leaving the theater. Not since “Derailed” has a movie left itself so vulnerable to punny headlines. Brace yourself. (PG)

“Touch the Sound”

Directed by Thomas Riedelsheimer

Feel the good, good, GOOD, good vibrations in this documentary about famed percussionist Evelyn Glennie and her sensual journey through the world of sound.

Sounds sensational. Get it? “Sounds” sensational? Yeah, I thought that one up all by lonesome. (Not rated)

“Snatch”

Directed by Guy Ritchie

Boxers, bookmakers, robbers, gangsters, jewelers…throw ’em into a blender, hit ‘frapp’ and you get a Guy Ritchie film. Drink it slowly or you’ll choke on all the convoluted storylines.

Catch “Snatch” this weekend at the Tower. Bring your favorite incoherent gypsy friend! (R)

Compiled by Aaron Allen