Cry me a river

Editor:

Your paper is not just The Daily Utah Chronicle to me; it is also The Daily Dose of Comedic Idiots. Everyday I open your environmentally friendly recycled pages to see the new rant on the Opinion page.

Most of the letters are quoting facts and arguing about “real-world issues,” but I always look for the one gem that is about something truly important.

Today J.D. Bowns struck a chord with me in his rant (“The U sells our information to businesses,” Jan 18).

He said, “The University of Utah sells our demographical information to private businesses. Not only is this annoying, it violates my rights.”

Where in the Bill of Rights does it say that no citizen shall be subject to junk mail? I remember now, it’s right underneath that one that says it’s my right to taunt you furiously.

A good idea for Bowns is to get a good friend to sort his mail so that his tender eyes don’t see that Playboy is offering a year’s subscription for 86 percent off. However, he might also miss out on those obtrusive pamphlets on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that he so dearly needs. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder affects 30 percent of those who open junk mail today.

You are not suffering alone, Bowns, for three in 10 Americans are annoyed by junk mail as much as you. Just know that you are not alone, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m there for you.

Just don’t turn your head too far, because I’ll be reading my really cheap Playboy; something I wouldn’t have if the university weren’t looking out for my best interests.

Ryan Dark?Senior, Physics/Mechanical Engineering