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The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

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Want your voice to be heard? Submit a letter to the editor, send us an op-ed pitch or check out our open positions for the chance to be published by the Daily Utah Chronicle.
@TheChrony
Print Issues

Tales from Tinseltown

By Ryan Funk

Cold Shoulder

After his recent split with pop-star Jessica Simpson, former 98 Degrees singer Nick Lachey has been romantically linked to Kristin Cavallari, star of the MTV pseudo-reality hit “Laguna Beach.” Reports of Nick and Kristin’s relationship are fueling rumors that Nick’s ex-wife Jessica Simpson is second-guessing her decision to split from Nick. Insiders report that the two are fighting over Lachey, and that he has additionally gone out with several other women.

Meanwhile, I would like to remind everyone that this man had one hit, like, 100 years ago, and it sucked. Bad.

It’s just a little baby phat

Angelina Jolie-actress, mother, ambassador and general world-saver-is worrying friends and family with her weight. The pregnant actress has only gained a reported 15 pounds since the conception of her and Brad Pitt’s son. Medical professionals state that, on average, a woman should gain 30-35 pounds during pregnancy for the baby’s health. Insiders say that Jolie is stressed and worried about losing the weight post-pregnancy.

Of all people, Angie should know that it can be lipoed from her ass and injected into her lips.

Bolton for the door

International sex symbol Michael Bolton is set to marry “Desperate Housewives” star Nicollete Sheridan. The two are shopping around for wedding locations. According to sources at a Los Angeles recording studio, the two B-listers seemed “very much in love” and have even recorded a song together for Michael’s upcoming album. If this song sells 10 copies, you know the world is ending?

Oh say, can you see the star-mangled banner?

According to Fox News, owners of a luxury townhouse in Atlanta have had Whitney Houston and ex-’80s pop star Charelle evicted from the property. According to lawyers, the two owe $17,000 in back-rent and $8,000 in damages done to the house. Tabloids are running photos from the home, littered with drug paraphernalia and garbage. Whitney is missing and presumed to be on the run.

Remember that time Whitney inspired a nation with her rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner?” Yeah, apparently neither do the police.

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