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The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

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Write for Us
Want your voice to be heard? Submit a letter to the editor, send us an op-ed pitch or check out our open positions for the chance to be published by the Daily Utah Chronicle.
@TheChrony
Print Issues

Tales from Tinseltown

By Ryan Funk

Drop it like it’s hot

Britney Spears makes my job too easy.

Spears has reportedly received a visit from Child Services in regard to her 1-year-old son, Sean Preston. According to CNN.com, authorities paid a visit to Spears and husband Kevin Federline’s Southern California home after Spears’ child was taken to the hospital when he fractured his skull after he fell from his high chair.

An unreliable and totally untrustworthy source (also known as Chronicle A&E Editor Eryn Green) reports that Spears, upon being told that being dropped as a child was “bad news,” replied, “That’s such crap. My mama dropped me all the time, and look how I turned out!”

Still?this kid needs help: Brain damage and Britney Spears for a mother!? Somebody call Jesus, this just isn’t fair.

Slummin’ in love

Heather Locklear has been out on the prowl after splitting with former rocker Richie Sambora of the band Bon Jovi. According to close friends, she is now dating “a very old friend.” Inside sources indicate this old friend is none other than comedian and SNL alumnus David Spade. The two have been dating for a few weeks now, and Heather is said to be leaning on him in her time of strife.

Wow.

How messed up would you have to be to look like Heather Locklear and date a man that looks like the bastard child of Chuck Norris and a sheepdog?

We’re out, biatch!

Vince Vaughn and his girlfriend and co-star Jennifer Aniston are getting away from the fast life of Los Angeles. The couple is currently shopping for a new home in Chicago. The two spent hours last week looking at two- and three-level penthouses in the city, but are said to be most interested in very secure locations.

When your ex is juicing up the gossip rags and you have to compete, there’s only one thing you can do: You go out and do something reckless?like look at safety systems. Saucy!

Cruise of the living dead

Nicole Richie, star of “The Simple Life,” is back with long-time boyfriend and ex-fianc Adam Goldstein, aka “DJ-AM” as he is called on stage. The two are re-evaluating their relationship and relaxing on a Mexican cruise.

Meanwhile, all along the Mexican coast there have been reports of rural liquor stores and high-end jewelry retailers being attacked by what witnesses have called an “evil, scary, drug-crazed skeleton.” Weird.

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