It’s a conclusion we’ve struggled against for some time now: ASUU is brilliant.
It has lots of power and zero accountability. Who doesn’t want that?
The recently elected Associated Students of the University of Utah administration has selected its Executive Cabinet for 2006-2007. Was there some kind of systematic selection process candidates had to go through to earn these prestigious positions?
Silly rabbit. Democratic processes are for legitimate governments.
Kyle Hansen, the new Presenter’s Office director, didn’t put together a proposal. He didn’t even have to apply! He was selected over three candidates who spent time putting together proposals and being interviewed for the position.
The new ASUU administration told the rejected candidates-all of whom currently work for the Presenter’s Office-that it wants to move in a “different direction.”
So we’re going to go from having sold-out concerts with Yellowcard to?who knows? What’s in a different direction from that?
Osmond: Second Generation? VeggieTales On Ice? Or better yet, Ashlee Simpson Live! That’s a show we want to see.
And why are we going in a different direction? The administration has a “good feeling” about Hansen. Who needs experience when you have feelings? That’s the most truthful thing we’ve ever heard.
But Hansen did try really hard when he was on the BLOC Party’s finance committee. Give him a $300,000 budget to play with! Hand him a stipend!
Yay for mediocrity! Yay for cronyism!
If only we knew the secret of ASUU’s success. If only someone would tell us its secret handshake.
Sure, it doesn’t give students what they want. When students say “no” to health insurance, it says “yes!”
When plans for the proposed recreation center seem flawed, does it debate the issue to work out the kinks before proposing it to lawmakers? Of course not! It watches the proposal die in committee before the Utah State Legislature and stands by powerlessly as tuition rises again.
It seems to fail at almost everything it does?but no one on campus cares. And when something does go right-like the Grand Kerfuffle and other Presenter’s Office successes of the past year-it shoots itself in the foot by hiring a friend as opposed to the most-qualified candidate.
As a governing body, ASUU is inept and corrupt. But somehow, it remains in power, deflecting all criticism. Somehow, its feeble excuses are enough for a generally apathetic student body.
It’s like it has a three-foot wall of impenetrable concrete around its office, topped it off with razor wire and, for good measure, dug itself a moat and filled it with piranhas and laser koi.
All we want to know is this: Where can we get a wall like that?