Living in the slums

There’s a little joke that circulates in The Chronicles’s office sometimes about how it seems as though almost every inch of the Union has been remodeled at some point or another, yet the Chrony office has been the same-except for an annual floor buffing-since about the dawn of time.

We have Chronicle alumni come into the office and say things like, “Hey, that was my desk,” and it actually was their desk 30-or-so years ago, the very desk that they sat in, with the same broken leg it has now.

There are holes in the walls. Not just regular holes from hanging a poster or two-no, large, gaping holes from who knows where. The ceiling tiles are sort of like a patchwork quilt with pennies lodged in them-that is, where there are ceiling tiles, because they are missing in some spots. The linoleum floors are so filthy that it is a questionable decision to wear flip-flops to work on any given day because there’s no telling what disease you may or may not contract. And the couches-well, no one really wants to know what happened on those couches because it’s probably something that not even an entire industrial-strength can of Lysol could get rid of.

(What’s funny is that this article is being written in the Union accounting office, which is attached to The Chronicle, so that the author can sit in one of the $300 chairs the Union has bought for itself.)

“It’s a landlord/tenant agreement,” said Jake Sorenson, general manager of The Chronicle. “It feels like other areas in the Union are being remodeled and we always seem to get ignored.”

Jake speaks the truth, folks. Have you seen the Union Programming Council office? It looks fabulous! The same goes to the LGBT. But take one step into The Chronicle and it feels like a warp into the land that time forgot.

Where is the love for the good old Chrony?

We do good things for the students, too-such as keeping them informed. In fact, we were voted best college newspaper in the region. Doesn’t that count for a slap on the back and some new paint on the walls, which, according to Sorenson, have not been spruced up since he came to The Chrony four years ago?

Truth is, we need help because we can’t do it on our own. We generate most of our own revenue to keep the paper running and its employees paid, and we have a very tiny budget with which to do anything else.

Honestly, if the Union were a city, The Chronicle office would be considered its ghetto.

Send help-and carpet-ASAP.