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The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

The University of Utah's Independent Student Voice

The Daily Utah Chronicle

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Write for Us
Want your voice to be heard? Submit a letter to the editor, send us an op-ed pitch or check out our open positions for the chance to be published by the Daily Utah Chronicle.
@TheChrony
Print Issues

The Commish

By Kyle Nelson

Maybe it was my head hitting the concrete after I slipped on a sheet of ice in front of the Marriott Library. I don’t know. But Shaun Alexander looked good on Monday night, didn’t he? More than 200 yards in the snow? Maybe the Madden curse is starting to wear off.

I don’t know a lot about curses, but I’m pretty sure they can only affect one person at any given time. And right now, the Madden curse belongs to Michael Vick and Michael Vick alone. Weeks ago, the Madden 2004 cover boy was on top of the football world. After passing for four touchdowns in an overtime win against Pittsburgh, Vick threw three touches in an impressive win at Cincinnati. Seven touchdowns in two games? ESPN analysts everywhere declared that the Vick prophecy had been fulfilled. Wrong.

In the four games since his amazing two-game stretch, Vick has averaged an anemic 142-yards passing. He’s thrown a total of three touchdowns compared to four interceptions. Most importantly, in Atlanta, the Falcons are 0-4 and slowly disappearing from the NFC playoff picture. Atlanta’s playoff hopes look about as small as Michael Vick’s middle finger from the top row of the Georgia Dome.

Although many people in Atlanta believe Vick is killing their team, we fantasy footballers disagree. Why? Michael Vick can run. With 870 yards rushing, not only is he the Falcons’ leading rusher, he is likely to break his own record (902 yards) for most rushing yards in a season by a quarterback. He rushed for nearly twice as many yards (166) as he passed for last week (84). And although the Falcons lost 31-13, his top-5 fantasy production probably didn’t hurt your team.

Which brings us to the rumors of Tony Romo dating Jessica Simpson (Sorry, that was a difficult segue, so I just gave up). How in the world is this happening? Despite my overwhelming heterosexuality, I consider my male-attractiveness meter impeccable. Brad Pitt, he’s got it. Eric Weddle, he’s got it. Nick Lachey–he had it. But Tony Romo? I guess I could understand if the romance were based on his success as a quarterback, but these rumors began before his five-touchdown Thanksgiving performance. Anyway, there’s nothing I can do about it now.

Speaking of romantic rumors, Joseph Addai is starting to look a lot like Edgerrin James (Again, these segues are very difficult, so I’m sorry). Depending on your league’s scoring format, his 171-yard, four-touchdown performance was the highest fantasy total so far this season. Higher even than some of LaDainian Tomlinson’s freakishly good games. Does this mean that Addai is a must-start running back? I don’t know. He only had 50 yards the previous week against Dallas. But you better have L.T. and Steven Jackson ahead of him if you’re thinking of benching Addai against Tennessee this week.

That reminds me of a liquored-up kicker I know named Mike Vanderjagt. Actually, I don’t think he’s technically a kicker anymore, since the Cowboys released him. The most accurate kicker in NFL history is just that–history. So what does that mean for your fantasy football team? Nothing. Just like Coach Parcells dropping Vanderjagt’s million-dollar salary, you, too, will find a way to move on with your life. Kicker is the easiest position to replace. If you can’t find a kicker to get you seven fantasy points a week, then you must have dial-up. I can’t believe I’ve wasted 100 words talking about kickers.

Speaking of regret, the end of the semester is upon us. Hopefully you all do as well in your classes as you have in your fantasy leagues. With a combined record of 21-15, I don’t know if I’ll be able to say that about myself. Oh well. That’s the life of a Commish. I’d better go. I have to finish my letter to the university about getting some more salt for the sidewalks in front of the library.

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