Offensive Kingsbury shows do not stop at N*W*C

By By Nicholas Pappas

By Nicholas Pappas

Dear Daily Utah Chronicle,

I thought I was safe. I go to a mostly white campus, though I don’t have a problem with colored people. I think they are important members of society, actually. The other day I was just gushing at the job my lawn boy did. He really knows how to even the edges.

I was wrong. I’m not safe. None of us are safe anymore.

While checking the local paper for the next showing of “Underdog,” I happened upon an advertisement for the fall season at Kingsbury Hall. My eyes nearly started bleeding. Starting Nov. 2, there will be a performance called “N*W*C: The Race Show.” I can’t tell you what the letters stand for, but suffice it to say, this filth stars an African American, a Mexican American and an Asian American. I hope you can figure it out, because never in my life would I repeat those words.

I haven’t been this upset since CleanFlicks closed down.

First they bring the “‘V’ Monologues” to Salt Lake City, a show where women talk about their?”V.” I couldn’t stand it! A woman’s private parts should only be discussed by her husband — the person they belong to. Now this?

Have I seen the show, you ask? Of course not. Why would I waste my money watching this when I could stare at my trash cans for free. These are hateful words and I have no respect for anyone who would utter them.

The Los Angeles Times might call the show “jaw-dropping? infectious? inspiring,” but everyone knows people from L.A. can’t be trusted. I prefer to judge my books by their covers, thank you very much.

Being a responsible citizen, I decided to see what other horrible acts will be displayed this season. My research has made me even more furious.

The very first performance is by Paula Poundstone starting Oct. 6. This is a woman famous for being outlandish and wearing men’s suits! Now, of course, I believe in women’s rights, but let’s not get out of hand. It is a well-known fact this woman is a lesbian. She should be in a center somewhere being cured, not parading on stage corrupting our youth.

It just gets worse. “Thriller” is a show devoted entirely to a pagan holiday. Irvin Mayfield and the New Orleans Jazz Orchestra play songs full of emotion that will only put sexual thoughts into our children’s innocent minds. And last but not least, “Honk! Jr.”

I don’t even want to know what “honking” is.

It is up to us to make sure our bubble remains intact. We covered up Rodin, we forced “Brokeback Mountain” out of the theaters and we stopped KSL from showing “God, the Devil, and Bob.”

We can make sure this never sees the light of day either.

For all those who want to keep the ears and eyes of our children clean, please spread the word that this garbage cannot be tolerated. There will be a meeting of the Eagle Forum to discuss this at Gayle Ruzicka’s house later this week. We will have some frog-eye salad and pink lemonade and then begin discussing our battle plan.

Sincerely,

Someone who doesn’t know the meaning of the word “satire.”

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