Dear He Says, She Says,
I’ve been dating this guy for a while now, but we don’t really connect on an intellectual level. Every time I try to talk to him about our relationship or issues I’m having with friends and family, he goes back to his sports game! I tried making him jealous with a shrine to Zac Efron and hid it in my lingerie drawer (unfortunately, my boyfriend never goes in there anyway). I guess my question is: Should I ditch my real-life dud and go for an on-screen dream boat? Or should I stick with my boyfriend and hope he gets it together?
Sincerely,Desperate for the match made in Hollywood
She Says:
Dear Desperate,
I can’t help but think you might have just as hard of a time courting Mr. Dreamboat Efron as you do your current lover. Competing with sports is one thing — and, I’ll admit, a constant struggle — but competing with every other young girl and boy of America for Zac is going to be quite the struggle as well. Here’s the deal: you and your boyfriend “don’t connect on an intellectual level,” and that’s a solid reason to call it quits. You deserve more attention than the Super Bowl, and he probably deserves a cheerleader, or at least someone who shares his testosterone-driven passion.
He Says:
Dear Desperate,
It’s hard to woo Hollywood’s newest dream boy unless you’re a key grip on set or the leading lady. You should worry about cultivating better relationships with the people around you instead of losing yourself in the ideal love that cinematography sells to everyone. Maybe if you started to think less about starlets and more about those in your life, you’d get that attention you crave so much. If your boyfriend is paying more attention to the TV, then leave him today, and he’ll be stuck in you-don’t-know-what-you’ve-got-’till-it’s-gone land.
Dear He Says, She Says,
Is it appropriate to get guys flowers? I’ve been tempted, but I don’t want to risk emasculating my man.
Sincerely,Coming Up Roses
She Says:
Dear Roses,
I love the idea of getting flowers for men. It’s new. It’s different, and it will make you stand out. Chances are, you’ll hear something along the lines of, “No one’s ever given me flowers before!” and that feels good. Flowers are not biased toward one gender — they are universal vehicles for smiles and warm fuzzies.
He Says:
Dear Roses,
My favorite flowers are tulips. There is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to give the gifts you want to give. Chocolates compliment flowers in case you were thinking flowers weren’t enough to adequately say “I care.” You’d be surprised at how many men would appreciate a sensual pair of briefs. The present has little value next to the thought, Rosie.
Dear He Says, She Says,
I am a student at the U who has been married for two years this summer. I read The Chronicle on the days I’m on campus, and I came across your section a few times. I actually would like to know what you two fellow students think about sex toys and how I could approach my wife on the subject. We come from particularly conservative families, and I am hesitant to ask her, but I would really like to add something to our sex life. I used to use a small butt plug before I got married, but when we became engaged, I threw it away out of shame. What do I do?
Sincerely,Toys ‘R’ Us
He Says:
Dear Toys,
You never know an answer until you ask a question. Conservatives own butt plugs and an array of other sex toys, too. The missionary position is one way to have sex, but if that’s the only way you do the no pants dance, then you’ll only have boredom in the bedroom. Get a toy for you and your wife. That way, everyone can experiment with something new. If your wife isn’t warm to the idea yet, then add a new position to the bedroom repertoire and see if you can’t reinvent the wheel.
She Says:
Dear Toys,
Let’s be honest — a little anal play never hurt anyone. Don’t be ashamed for being comfortable with your body. It’s there for you and your wife to explore. Sex toys can be a great source of novelty between the sheets, for singles or couples. In your specific case, if your wife is embarrassed about introducing a third player to the mix, suggest that she try using it on her own first. After a few private nights with her new gadget, she’s bound to be more open to the idea of playing around with her partner.
Dear He says, She says,
I have a secret crush on a guy I work with but he has no idea. In fact, no one in the office has any idea.
Sometimes I feel a connection, but other times he acts as if I don’t exist. I know for sure he’s single. We spend so much time together that I feel as if I know him more than he knows himself. I’m afraid that if I reveal my feelings to him, and he doesn’t feel the same way, everything can change and the atmosphere at work can become awkward. What should I do???
Sincerely,Crushing on a Cutie Coworker
He Says:
Dear Crushing,
Work and relationships tend to overlap on occasion, but romance knows no borders, so expect to crush on the adjacent cubicle. Dating with coworkers isn’t taboo, and I’m sure it happens at most businesses. It’s all about balance: Work is work, and a date is a date. Your interactions are different depending on the setting, so ask your crush out and see if you can stand a more personal side of him. If not, it was only a date, no one has to give his or her two week-notice over dinner.
She Says:
Dear Crushing,
I have a secret for you. Your coworkers probably know. That sort of tension in the workplace can be sensed all the way from the water cooler. He might even be aware of your feelings, but might be just as shy about crossing the coworker line. If you like him, let him know. If you guys are grown up enough to hold down office positions, you’re probably able to handle any temporary awkwardness that could arise from a first date. But keep in mind, if you’re already plotting how to deal with uncomfortable shifts in your professional life, you might not be ready to make a partner out of that cute coworker.
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