Time for a Top 10, Jazz fans

By By Nick Pappas

By Nick Pappas

10. The new slogan is weird but prophetic.
Let’s face it. The world is falling apart all around us. No matter when this column is published, there will be a remarkable chance the Dow Jones plummeted before breakfast. Stockbrokers are holding cardboard signs and asking for quarter points in their coffee cups.

I’d rather not think about it. Hence, the Utah Jazz’s 2008-2009 slogan “Life Off/Game On.” Yes, a hockey mom could bring a moose head to the White House, but as long as the game is on we can ignore the lipsticked pit bull.

It’s also a way to get out of your chores for the evening:
Significant Other: Are you going to put away the dishes?
You: Sorry! Life off, game on, honey!
9. While the team is the same, the hairstyles keep on changing.
The most prominent example is Mehmet Okur, who has come into the preseason with a lumberjack beard. I am all for whatever makes him less dopey. Now if only he would crawl out of bed more than five minutes before the game starts. That cowlick is higher than his 3-point percentage.

Sophomore darling Kyrylo Fesenko has gotten rid of the mop and dyed his tips like a Backstreet Boy. Deron Williams still has no sideburns.

8. Get ready for Ronnie Brewer steroid rumors.
According to USA Today, Ronnie Brewer has reportedly gained 25 pounds of muscle this off-season. And it shows. In the first preseason game, I thought Paul Millsap had the ball until he did an acrobatic up-and-under dunk.

Brewer is looking like a beast, and should be the best straight-up defender on the team.
7. Will the Jazz still be slap happy?
The Jazz lost to the Lakers last year because of Kobe Bryant’s gravitational pull. He shot more free throws in the playoffs than the entire Jazz team. If the Jazz can limit their fouls, the sky is the limit.

I wouldn’t get too excited about it, though. Jerry Sloan is the kind of man who would bite a man’s ear off in a fight, and he brings that philosophy into his coaching.

6. EnergySolutions has entered the dark ages.
And that’s a good thing. The arena is one of the last to still do player introductions with the lights on (preceded by a loud bear on a motorcycle). Beginning this year, EnergySolutions will begin the heralded lights-off prologue. Now, if only they could ban cowbells. Note to Utah fans8212;Raja is no longer here, and Phil Jackson called us a cow town a decade ago. Get over the cowbells.

5. Jarron Collins.
Yes. He’s still in Utah. Can you believe it?
4. Hollinger is in love with this team.
ESPN analyst and numbers guru John Hollinger has predicted the Jazz will finish first in the Western Conference. His colleague Marc Stein ranked the Jazz as the ninth best team in the league.

Lakers fans were livid at Hollinger, but forgot the whole thing when Jack Nicholson walked by.
3. Brevin Knight and his height.
When Brevin Knight takes the floor in the regular season, he will officially be the shortest man to ever wear a Jazz uniform. Except for me in my D-Will jersey. I’m still waiting by the phone, Jerry.

2. C.J. Miles is younger than I am, and a lot of you.
Miles was one of the last players to join the NBA right out of high school. He celebrated his 21st birthday in pure crunk style last year, bringing in Lil’ Jon to emcee the festivities.

Look for marked improvement in this kid.
1. Is this the last chance?
Isn’t it always? Mehmet Okur and Carlos Boozer can exercise their right to become free agents next year. Okur is the center the Jazz have always wanted, and is a key to the offense. Boozer, though, has shown himself to be a major liability on the defensive end and virtually invisible when the game is on the line.

Larry, and now Greg, Miller and the organization should look to move him if there isn’t marked improvement before the break. The Olympian still has value in this league, but is worthless to the Jazz as a trade piece if he opts out of his contract. He showed the extent of his loyalty with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Let’s not allow him to remind us.

It should be the usual exciting ride. Life off! Game on!
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