Time for ASUU to cut the crap

By By Christopher Kamrani

By Christopher Kamrani

I’ve kept my mouth shut long enough. I’m sorry, I really need to get this off my chest8212;it’s been an methamphetamine-esque itch that I haven’t managed to scratch.

Our dear Associated Students of the University of Utah, quit the façade, I beg you.

We, as the entire student body, have had to deal with your childish and amateur schemes to claw your way to the top for way too long. We know that you love being in charge. We know that you love having the power to cite words such as “sustainability” as if it means something to the 30,000 who constitute this campus. We know that “by any means necessary” is a sentence that has been ingrained into your mind for good reason: You’re just fixing to be like any other run-of-the-mill politician8212;a clear-cut winner.

As for the ongoing ASUU elections? Utterly comical.

Unfortunately, these elections are akin to a mediocre reality television show8212;without the six-pack abs and G-strings. The he-said-she-said act has run its course, folks.

Most recently, there was a grievance filed from one party to another because one posted a picture on Facebook and “was actively campaigning to a high number of unaffiliated students who have access to the pictures online.” Better yet, they weren’t necessarily filing a grievance against the picture, but “protesting the resulting comments below the pictures.”

How can someone read that statement and not start to chuckle?

It has come to the point, and I have had input from many U students, that almost anything affiliated with ASUU is subject to public mockery. At times I have thought about if there was to be an impromptu walk around the campus, who would be rewarded with a raspberry lollipop if they could correctly answer the question, “Who is ASUU president?” or for that matter, “Can you recall anything remotely important that ASUU has done this year?”

If you ever need a laugh, just go to the ASUU Web site and read the profiles of those in charge of representing the student populace. I wonder how many exclamation marks they had in their profile quota, because someone might have to file a grievance.

Even as I pace around the Union every day, I can immediately spot an ASUU clone. They are usually tattooed in the stench of a certain campaign or have the same irritating, elitist smile, ready to care about who you are, and perhaps whom you plan to vote for.

I voted, thank you, I chose the black guy.

Now don’t get me wrong, I kinda sorta like politics, and I kinda sorta see the purpose of having a student-based government to try and tell “the man” to stick it. But all we continue to hear is radio silence8212;on all frequencies. Unless you are talking about who is coming into The Chronicle to get their mug shot taken or who made front-page news on who filed a grievance against them because they did this.

There was the whole “having a sense of humor” incident when one member of ASUU threw a fit when someone decided to satirically exploit him in a different light. Take it from an average journalist8212;being ridiculed is part of the game for a public figure8212;take it in stride. One of our ASUU leaders has the humor thing down pat. The first line of her online profile states, “I love to laugh. A lot.”

Oh, phew. Thank god.

I’m sorry, but it’s a revolving door of dramatics that people stopped caring about a long, long time ago. I don’t know whether or not to care where my $25 worth of ASUU student fees go to anymore. We’ve seen and heard enough.

It’s not about us8212;it’s about you, and it always has been.

And luckily for you all, this column will stir the hornet’s nest and give ya’ll something to gripe about.

That’s your specialty.

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Chris Kamrani