Coleman: Following Snowbird’s Lead in the One-Star Approach

By Nicholas Coleman

Snowbird ski resort unveiled an eye-catching advertisement this week, featuring a one-star review from a wonderfully disgruntled patron named Greg. Unlike the hardy individuals who frequent the resort’s jagged slopes, Greg hilariously expressed, “I’ve heard Snowbird is a tough mountain, but this is ridiculous. It felt like every trail was a steep chute or littered with tree wells. How is anyone supposed to ride in that? Not fun!”

Instead of allowing the Los Angeles native to defame the resort’s reputation, they prominently featured the review. Yet, in a society filled with overpriced mindfulness courses, Snowbird’s advertisement got me thinking.

What if the ceremonious one-star review is actually a way to lead one’s life?

Imagine the implications. The next time you receive a poor score on an essay or test, fantastic! You are now amongst the best in the class. Fall down a flight of stairs or get a tattoo about the lack of ethical consumption under late capitalism? Great choice! The one-star ideology is set to fundamentally alter humanity’s understanding of the known universe. Hell, even if you are an astrological scientist and you gravely miscalculated the lifespan of the sun — good job! Just take that loss in stride, paste it somewhere prominent, and own the one-star review.

Despite our mediocre effort, the previous shareholders of Blockbuster and Sears could not be reached for public comment. However, I am quite confident that if we had tried harder, they would have added more to this timely article. Applying what I will soon trademark as the Coleman One-Star Approach™, I rest easy knowing that there are few other articles worth your attention more than this one. Snowbird’s creative stroke of genius is being hailed as a masterpiece, and from the looks of it, this writer can not help but agree.