Cushman: Young Men are Struggling — Grass-Roots Community Building is the Answer
(Design by Mary Allen | The Daily Utah Chronicle)
March 12, 2023
The growth of the manosphere has prompted concern across the globe. The manosphere is an online community that promotes traditional masculinity, along with misogyny and violence against women. As a result, we often frame conversations about masculine online spaces to emphasize their danger to women. However, these growing communities, which target mostly young men, also illuminate a crisis among them.
Young men seek community and purpose but struggle to find it. This leaves them vulnerable to manosphere creators shilling pyramid schemes, life coaching and bad podcasts. The extreme misogynists behind the manosphere are not the root of the problem: a lack of community is. In the Salt Lake area, Jacob Mader has created a space for young men to build a healthy community through his project, the Unsupported-Support Group.
A Crisis for Young Men
Young men face unique struggles in today’s economic landscape. Men feel pushed to the sidelines of the economy due to a number of changes, from an influx of women in the workforce to a reduction in male-dominated fields, according to an NPR article about the book “Of Boys and Men.” In some cases, their role as family providers has become less necessary as women have become more economically independent.
Looking past the economy, many young men also encounter social hurdles. Men are socialized to avoid talking about their feelings, which can lead to a lack of emotional intimacy with those close to them. Some young men face problems in dating as well, as singles today prioritize emotional vulnerability in relationships, something men are still socialized against. This all contributes to feelings of loneliness, with men reporting greater loneliness than women and less emotional support from friends.
These challenges stem from changing expectations around gender. Despite gender roles shifting in recent decades, our culture still enforces traditional expectations of men and women. Society still teaches men to be strong, stoic providers, but the pathways to and need for that have been largely erased. This leaves them feeling isolated and left behind.
That isolation sets the foundation for manosphere creators to form male communities centered around misogyny. Nonetheless, even when young men don’t engage with the manosphere, the isolation they experience still causes harm.
Loneliness correlates to increased rates of suicidal ideation and suicide. In Utah, we know the effect suicide can have on our communities. Suicide was the leading cause of death among 10-17 and 18-24 year-old Utahns in 2020. What’s more, from 2019 to 2021, men had a higher suicide rate than women in every age group.
Men are struggling in our country and our state. Creating healthy communities for young men is critically important. Mader’s Unsupported-Support Group offers not only a space but also a blueprint for how to build community among those feeling isolated.
Grassroots Community Building
On the the Instagram for the Unsupported-Support Group, Mader explained he felt compelled to make a space for young men after experiencing personal loss and acting as a sounding board for people in his own life. The project started simple, with a plan to offer a space for young men to meet and talk. Even looking at the Instagram page, you can see some of this simplicity. There isn’t branding, official logos or organizational backing. There’s just an offer to create community for young men who need it. Mader explained that this is somewhat intentional. He hopes that in reaching out to other young men with “authenticity and vulnerability,” they’ll feel open to giving those things as well.
Mader also explained why he wanted to create a space for young men specifically. He referenced how men feel pressured to be “stoic and handle things” while simultaneously acting as someone to “lean on,” but they often don’t have spaces to open up and talk. He wants men to have a community to talk and share feelings so they can bear the burdens in their lives.
Mader’s model for building community resonated with me, even though it wasn’t built for women, because its grassroots style could be emulated by anyone feeling lost. I’ve felt isolated in my own life, and I know many people my age feel the same. Gen-Z has been dubbed “the loneliest generation” because more than half of us report regularly feeling lonely. Mader told me “I don’t own support groups,” and he doesn’t. Those of us feeling lost or isolated should build or seek out communities where we can engage with people in real life and find emotional fulfillment. We all deserve spaces where we feel supported. Sometimes it just requires taking the leap to do it.
Ben • Aug 15, 2023 at 7:50 am
Which members of the manosphere do you have reported statements of them “supporting violence against women.”
I agree that within the manosphere there are voices who use extremes of female behavior seem more common.
But the primary purpose of the manosphere is to help men who’ve struggled in relationships or seeking relationships, to find deeper purpose in life and thus usually also finding more success in relationships.
It’s primarily based on evolutionary psychology, and it draws upon real-life data to explain female behavior.
Hypergamy is very real, yes some will point to the most recent Pew Research study on marriages and say that the fact that nearly 50% of wives make as much or more than their husbands is a sign to the end of hypergamy.
Except that those who talk about hypergamy will let you know that women dating within the same socioeconomic class is still hypergamy because it’s their bare minimum standard.
Men will date women of all socioeconomic classes. But only 16% of married women are with men who make less than them, and only 6% of married women are the sole providers in the relationship, meanwhile 23% of men are.
The feminist counterargument is men aren’t attracted to women who make more money, but in reality it’s just projection. The real reason why the number of married women who outearn their partners income is virtually the same as it was in 2012 is because women don’t want to stay with men they are responsible for supporting. Even though men are more than happy to support their partners financially.
Women initiate 70% of divorces, and the most commonly cited reason for the divorce is finances. Usually meaning there was a change in the husband’s economic circumstance in which he either was making less, lost his job, or didn’t manage his finances well.
Saying these truths is not born out of hatred of women. It’s born out of a realization that men are not loved unconditionally, except by their parents (if they even get that lucky).
Bryan Tolbert • Apr 7, 2023 at 8:15 am
Good thing this is an ‘opinion.’ My question is, who should advise young men on how to succeed in life if there is no father figure in the household? People do not know what’s going to happen if we silence masculine men; a study finds that 45% of women will be single by 2030, men are struggling in high school and dropping out of college more, more men are withdrawing from dating, fewer men are willing to get married, more young boys are shifting to conservative values.
Gene • Apr 7, 2023 at 7:26 am
This is just more rhetoric about the manosphere filtered thru a female lense. I would argue that there are number of factors that play into men struggling today. One being, the bad messaging put forth in this article- namely this idea that men need to be more emotional. Men express emotions differently from women. Women keep expecting men to behave the way they do in relationships; not understanding that a man has a masculine burden of performance.
It’s women that are struggling: expected to perform like men- putting off starting a family til later in life, when being married and having a family is one of the biggest factors for happiness for women…not a job!
This issue is complex: I suggest the writer of this article should go back and do more research before putting forth more rhetoric that has gotten us in this mess in the first place. Inter-sexual dynamics is not an easy topic for women to get there head around- particularly when women out here are being taught that men and women are the same/equal!