Basketballs and the Olsen twins

Dear Woman,

I recently had a dream that I could dunk a basketball. People always say dreams can come true but I don’t think this will ever be possible for me. Should I just give up on it now? What would you do?


Hoop Dreams

Dear Man,

Hmmmm, sounds to me that you need to dunk your basketball in a different kind of hoop. As an individual who addresses those of the opposite sex as “woman,” it’s doubtful you get much action.

I think that your dream expresses a great deal of sexual frustration. The “big score” is your goal, but you just never get there-do you?

Dreams certainly can come true, but they usually don’t.

Most people don’t have the drive it takes to achieve their goals.

For you, the prospect looks particularly bleak. Perhaps you should focus on less lofty goals-goals more within your reach.

Learn to tie your shoes, ride a bike or find something more meaningful to do with your time than sending me dumbass questions just to get your name in the paper.

Don’t give up on your dream just yet. Work on your vertical leap. Try dunking from a really tall stool or ladder.

Perhaps scoring that big dunk could give you enough confidence to score in other areas of your life.

Dear Jen,

What is your opinion on age differences in dating? My age is about five above the U’s median age for undergraduates and I want to kiss 19- and 20-year-olds.

Am I emotionally immature or completely normal? Pervert?

-Concerned Kissing Coed

Dear Not-a-pervert-but-a-bit-strange Coed,

With all of the freshman hotties walking around in tight jeans and tank tops, who blames you?

It’s not that you, per se, are emotionally immature. Most men are emotionally immature, which is why it is common for them to date younger women (well, that and the fact that their breasts are still perky).

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to date girls who are younger than you-if they’re 18, they’re fair game.

The fact that you want to kiss younger women is a bit disturbing, however.

You should at least introduce yourself first.

Do you prefer younger women, like some men prefer blondes, or do you fixate on them? In other words, do you get to know women of various ages, but just find yourself drawn to the younger variety-perhaps coincidentally?

Your penchant for 19- and 20-year-olds is fine, as long as it doesn’t become obsessive. Some people judge prospective “kissing partners” based on the attractiveness of their feet, for God’s sake.

Bottom line-as long as you aren’t emptying the full house to the Olsen twins, we’re OK.

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