To the windows…to the Calendar!

Nov. 11Thursday11-11-isn’t that supposed to be goodluck or something? Well it is, yes-becausetoday, Calendar’s admitting todoing somethin’ very, very naughty.Being that we were raised in a housewith 14 mothers, some people aroundhere have misogynistic sadomasochistictendencies that tend to come outevery time they get near a computer.Well tonight, Calendar and Salt LakeCity bars will hold it down for the ladies.Shaggy’s (155 S. 200 West),Area 51 (348 W. 500 South)and the Crazy Goat (119 S.West Temple) are all havingLadies Night. No cover,various drink specials, etc…Suffrage? Nobody’s sufferin’ now! Godbless America.As for everyone who isn’t a lady(tramps, hear us out!) or for everyonethat’s used to being lady-less (FreshmanClass of 2004, we salute you!),College Night will always hangaround for you at the Cabana Club(31 E. 400 South).Put a tiger in a room, take out thegrizzly, and what do you have? Stealsomeone’s teddy bear and how do youfeel? How…do… we feel?…ANGRY?!REPRESSED?! We would murder for thatteddy bear! And if we find the cave-hidin’6’4 terrorist that did it, we’ll crucifythat minion of satan on nationaltelevision! But until then, we’re just goingto settle with the musical exorcismof our emotions-enter Minus TheBear at Kilby Court (741 S.330 West) with I am Electricand Albany . You know you can’t gowrong with (A) Kilby Court , (B) a$10 ticket, (C) a show that startsat 7:30 (so we can get you all tobed early) and (D) song titles like”Monkey!!! Knife!!! Fight!!!”and “I’m Totally Not DownWith Rob’s Alien.” Don’t let thesong titles throw you off-they’re justpretentious, not weird. Minus The Bearactually plays some solid indie rock.Or if you don’t want something alittle different, look no further thanLo-Fi Caf (127 S. West Temple)for the Mellowdrone showtonight . Mellowdrone? What isMellowdrone?Maybe the biography posted (that looks suspiciouslywritten by the man behind Mellowdronehimself) can offer some insight:”after spending an enlightening childhoodand adolescence in Miami, Fla.,Jonathan moved to Boston, Mass….thiswas sad. So Jonathan started writingand recording music on his computer.He decided to call this music: Mellowdrone.”Pretentious indie rock? Never. Especiallyafter that whole “enlighteningchildhood” part. Anymore than that$5 ticket and we’d have to call theBetter Indie Bureau to turn this guy in.But seriously, if you don’t wantdrawn-out drama marketed so well, allyou can do is get sucked into somebodyelse’s and forget that you have a brain(or life) of your own. THE O.Cizzle isback, bi…brah. FOX 8 p.m . Cohenand Chino saunter back into Harborafter being MIA for an entire summer.We’re going to have to regrettably informSummer that, yes, Seth screwedup-and she’s going to have to dumphim. And call us. She’s so hot.Nov. 12FridayNeed a cure? Or…a fix? We’re ontoyou, buddy. Ted Leo and ThePharmacists will take that handwritten”prescription” and fill you upwith a dose of rock and roll, yes sir.Appearing with cow-punks Lucero aswell, tomorrow night’s Kilby Courtgathering is something to hang aroundfor. Show starts at 7 p.m., ticketsare $8.Hey pre-meds, listen up. The 21stcentury will be plagued with stress,disease, famine and various other ailmentsthat modern medicine hasn’tfound the cure for yet. Too bad it’sright there in front of them-a littleCrunk Juice will save thisplanet! Whoever said Calendars weregood for nothin’, well, ha! We just gavea bunch of people the thesis that mightrescue humanity.To find out more on this CrunkJuice phenomenon, look no furtherthan Ogden’s Teaszer’s Bar& Grill (366 36th St.) whereCrunk Juice affiliates The YingYang Twins (the artistry behindCrunk anthem “Get Low”) will beappearing. Tickets are $20, andno, you may not bring your”skeet” with you.Finally, Park City ski resortopens on Friday. The time hascome.