Feb. 3Thursday

Calendar knows a thing or two about holding grudges…or having them held against you. “Tricky” Dick Nixon took years to get over that whole “Deep Throat” thing-how could you keep a secret that good? Seriously. Jimbo Hoffa hated us so much…well, you don’t hear from that guy anymore, do you? Talk about a “touchback.” And those circus chimps…they have yet to meet their fate. Curious? I’ll show you a banana, you little Darwinated freak. An ether-laced banana, that is.

The ASUU Presenter’s Office presents “The Grudge.” Nothing new…oh. Oh. It’s a movie…playing tonight at the Post Theatre (110 S. Fort Douglas Blvd.) as part of the Free Film Series. Weird.

Supposedly, everything is bigger in Texas. Yeah. Like incest rates. Hey: what do you call a drug ring in Dallas? The Cowboys! Ha! Ha ha!…Ha. There’s a King of the Hill marathon on FX from 5 p.m. to 9 p.m.

Other boob toob zoob: Jon “Tucker Who?” Stewart makes us Laughy McLaugherstien tonight on “The Daily Show,” Comedy Central, 11 p.m.

“The O.C.’s” Marissa Cooper adds bisexual voyeurism to her long list of naughty no-no’s including, but not limited to: overdosing and acquiring alchy poisoning in Tijuana, shoplifting, semi-psychotic poolside breakdowns and the long list of boy “friends” like the D.J. the Lawn Boy, Ryan the Bad Boy, and Oliver the Cokehead Boy. FOX at 7 p.m. tonight.

David Letterman (CBS at 10:30 p.m.) plays host to Elton John when they match up dental gaps.

Calendar would like to give a shout out now, if we may. May we? Oh yeah, this is our section…we can do whatever we want. In that case, purple elephant Listerine! And that shout out? This one is dedicated to album art, groupies and other classics-Vinyl, please stand up and take a bow, you’re so old-school. Vinyl puts the “unk” in old-school funk tonight, coming prepared with an organ, a sax, timbalos, a piano, a trumpet and a head full of acid. Shake your moneymaker at Ego’s (668 S. State Street). Tickets are $12. 21 and older.