the buzz bin: “All the gossip that’s fit to print”

Sex, God and videotape:

Fred Durst’s guide to the true meaning of “Limp Bizkit”

Chalking up another victim to the “curse” of celebrity-status, a “romantic” home-video of Limp Bizkit “singer” Fred Durst hit the internet last week. Almost as terrifying as the thought of a sex-tape starring Freddy is the recent outbreak of privacy-invasion amongst pop culture icons.

Once the exclusive domain of glam-rockers and their silicone-soaked girls, girls and girls, the stolen-video-scandal is now daily news for the reality-TV generation. Most recently, party-star Paris Hilton took it hard (no pun intended, well, maybe a little one) as her infamous sex-tape was released and her T-Mobile Sidekick hacked. Sucker.

Nu-metal mastermind Fred Durst claims that the video was thieved from the dark recesses of his hard drive by a computer technician, commissioned to repair it. God knows why one would want to see the washed-up wanksta make whoopee, but at least one company has approached Durst about officially releasing the filth for mass consumption. The logic? If nothing else, it’ll be more entertaining than a new Limp Bizkit record.

Durst refused, explaining to MTV that, “When those things happen to people, there are companies that approach you, say, ‘Hey, man, you wanna make some money off this? People are gonna see it anyway.’ I said absolutely not. I don’t wanna make any money off this.”

Noble, eh? The Buzz Bin wonders where this artistic integrity was hiding when the Bizkit OK-ed the release of their past immoral exploits, i.e. their music.

Find-a-federal-

prison-shower.com

Nu-Metal is dying and when a genre becomes aware of its own mortality, panic ensues, the claws come out and bands fight to the death to one-up their fellow rockers. Limp Bizkit recently came to the table with its publicity-snatching, stolen-video scandal, but Static-X’s Tripp Eisen (whose real name is T. Rex Salvador. Seriously) officially earned nu-metal’s “I’m So Nu-Metal That I Belong behind Bars for the Rest of My Life” award last week as he was charged with various counts of kidnapping, sexual assault and endangering the welfare of a child.

The 39-year-old T. Rex, apparently met his victim on an Internet dating site called, “Find-a-Freek,” where he advertised that he was a 31-year-old, doctorate-educated fan of Static-X. (Because there are so many of those, right?)

He struck up an e-mail relationship with the 14-year-old girl and arranged to meet her at a New Jersey shopping mall on Jan. 7 (how romantic). They drove around and were later found by the police in Eisen’s car after having consensual sex. Eisen’s kidnapping charge, alone, could land him 30 years behind bars. Music fans are holding their breath.

Exhibiting a Limp-Bizkit-esque integrity, Static-X has kicked Eisen to the curb stating that, “Tripp is currently dealing with personal issues that prohibit him from being able to fulfill his commitment to the band.”

Yeah…Buzz Bin’s not touching that one with a 12-foot stick.

Where nu-metal dreams go to die…

Let’s face it, ever since Korn dropped the Mother Goose comedy routine (wait, that wasn’t a joke?) they’ve been on their way down-and not in the down-in-a-blaze-of-glory kind of way, but in the careening-toward-a-fiery-death kind of way.

Guitarist Brian “Head” Welch recently popped his head out of the band’s demonic, drug-fueled ass long enough to realize how fast they were falling and reached out to the only person higher than him, God. In a last-ditch effort to escape a serious methamphetamine addiction, Head took a step into the Valley Bible Fellowship and never looked back.

“I thought I had it all, everything I thought was important when I was a kid-money, fame, pretty women-but I came to a point where I didn’t want to live,” Head told a congregation of over 10,000 at the Fellowship during his holy coming-out celebration.

In the near future, Head plans to be baptized in Israel, then return home to begin his solo Christian-rock career. Question: Does God hate Buzz Bin, or is he or she really into such awful music?