For too long, we have imposed standards of so-called “achievement” and “excellence” at the university level in order to determine who is “worthy” and who is not-the academically “unclean.”
Put succinctly, people, we are elitists.
Who gets to judge who is “smart?” Who defines what “success” is? When you get right down to it, isn’t everything pretty arbitrary?
I mean, grades? Why do we give A’s? Why not a crocodile?
Standardized test scores? What’s that about? Some kids just don’t want to fill in those bubbles-and we should value their authentic assertion.
Really, what’s more important-creative thought or the “right” answer?
Who do we think we are insisting that high schoolers meet a higher standard? Capitalists?
Isn’t that a distinct form of discrimination? I’d like to think the Supreme Court would agree with me on this.
I call upon everyone in the Vogeler Nation (population: You) to rise up and take action! We must give everyone access to higher learning, regardless of ACT “scores,” GPAs and the like. We MUST lower the bar until everyone is able to step over it!
I submit as evidence the following text message from an obviously talented and frustrated cultural linguist:
Hey! U guys @ the U R 2 hard 2 get in2. 4 yr.z, Ive Bin relegated 2 my hows, forced 2 live w my parNts, driV a teeny VW Bug, & wrk @ d Nordstrom dwntwn. How M I sposd 2 live on 10 $’s an hr?! I cnt stNd it NEmor! U shud lt evry1 study @ yor uni! itz not fair dat onlE a handful of “smrt” people git 2 study thR. hu defines “smrt” NEway?
Amazingly, this person was able to fit that message into three texts, saving me both time and money. How many of our “qualified” engineering students could accomplish that, I ask you?
Finally, I implore you to carefully consider the following:
In a recent interview in TIME Magazine, Chuck Norris was asked if, in fact, he could divide by zero. He neither confirmed nor denied, leaving room for the possibility that he might not be able to. (I use the term “able” loosely, since Chuck invented it in 1969’s “The Wrecking Crew,” along with the first roundhouse kick to the face.)
That TIME had to ask shows how polarized our educational system is becoming! If Chuck says he can divide by zero, he can, damn it.
First, Chuck’s proposed division by zero would be the least of the Norrisian Miracles-and definitely in the realm of possibility.
But more importantly, if an individual believes that he or she can divide by zero, who are we to stand in his or her way?
We need to open the gates of higher education to everyone-and stop professors from whining about how incoming freshmen aren’t “prepared” enough for a college “curriculum.”
The so-called “stupid” have been discriminated against for too long-it’s time to liberate them from academic repression.
This tragedy, which has been perpetuated for generations, could have been avoided had our forefathers simply included the right to higher education along with the right to bear arms!
(Again, I am being liberal with the term “right,” as it was first used by Chuck Norris to describe his patented kicking motion).
I urge us all to write our local legislators and push for equality. If educational discrimination could happen to Chuck, it could happen to anyone.
If Chuck could cry, he would for this.