Allen Iverson is not the answer-I am

By By Cody Brunner and By Cody Brunner

By Cody Brunner

Let me lay it down for you.

We start Mountain West Conference play this weekend, and I couldn’t help but notice a few subtle things the U coaching staff isn’t taking advantage of. Yeah, yeah, I know they are 2-1, but the wins came over Utah State and NAU, so they don’t really count. Or as coach Whittingham suggested after the UCLA shellacking, these are just preseason games. The goal is to win the Mountain West.

Well, we’ve finally arrived. The crest of the conference schedule is upon us, and coach Whit’s bag of excuses is finally depleted.

Now, I know I’m a reporter, and I don’t know what the hell I am talking about, but bear with me as I reinvent the Utes from an alternate perspective.

Just imagine.

It’s the fourth quarter with five seconds left on the clock and the Utes are down by six to arch-nemesis/anti-Christ BYU. We are facing a fourth and 20 at the Cougar 40-yard line. Brett Ratliff drops back to pass?looks left?looks right, rears back and throws the ball a mile into the air. Fans around the stadium holler expletives and call for BJ to take off his redshirt and get in the game. Then, the peak of the spiral starts to turn downwards and one Utah player stands above the rest. Oh my God?that’s Tommy Grady, what’s he doing in there? Catching the damn ball, that’s what.

Think about it: TE Tommy Grady. Not backup QB Tommy Grady.

That guy is like 12-feet tall. As a washed-up quarterback, I would have given my right ball to have a tight end like that. We all hear about how he’s such a superb athlete. All you have to do is throw the ball up high and The Gigantor will come down with the catch.

He would be the red-zone equivalent of Tony Danza. Money. OK, that doesn’t quite do him justice, but you get the point.

And another thing.

For the love of everything that is holy on this Earth, USE ERIC WEDDLE.

Everywhere.

The guy is as versatile as a Chuck-A-Rama buffet, and he’s only done spot-duty at quarterback (aside from the usual defense and punt returns)?

And don’t give me that “he’s tired” crap. Weddle is a machine. I know it. You know it. He knows it.

That’s the reason he has the innate ability to know exactly where a quarterback is going to throw the ball at any given time. The computer in his head calculates probabilities and comes up with the most logical place for the Q to throw the ball. Then the bionic legs swing into motion and put him in place to make an interception. The very thought of the man strikes fear into the heart of offensive coordinators across the nation, and you’re telling me you can’t find ways to get him the ball?

Let him run a couple options. Line him up in the slot. Throw him some deep balls. Seriously, everything he touches is gold, and we need to take advantage.

That actually brings me to my next point.

What happened to the offensive creativity that was installed during the Urban Meyer regime? I’m seeing a thousand screen/swing passes per game and only about two downfield shots. Let’s go for the homerun once in a while.

Between the Georgia Tech and BYU games of last year, Bret Ratliff racked up 621 yards and eight touchdowns, so I know Whittingham is capable of this sort of genius. Throughout both contests, the Utes utilized various play-action and post patterns to spread out the defense and get the ball downfield.

Now, I know that the loss of receivers like Travis LaTendresse and John Madsen hurts, but Brent Casteel and Derrek Richards have proven that they are perfectly capable of tearing defenses apart. Not to mention Marquis Wilson, who single-handedly kicked my high school team’s ass with 181 receiving yards and three touchdowns my senior year. If he could do it to us, he could do it to anybody.

If all else fails, just bring in Ute volleyball outside-hitter Airial Salvo. Every time she hits a volleyball, she makes me feel less like a man. Throw her in at quarterback or something. I don’t think it matters, she could do some damage from pretty much anywhere.

Anyway, I really am hoping that the coaching staff is just holding its more intricate game plans for TCU or the “school down south,” because, routs or not, thus far, they have been extremely disappointing this season.

Stay classy, Salt Lake City.