For the cost of one semester of college, you could buy every gaming console ever made and a library of games for each one and learn all of these facts professors have been holding out on you.

Looking for ways to make up for the $24 million cut from the U's budget, U administrators have come up with a solution that doesn't call for raising tuition or firing professors.

Although spring practice commenced last week, the front five have already taken a big hit in this young season.

In an astonishing and historic move Tuesday, radical left-wing liberals stopped pretending to have any common decency or regard for others and revealed their plan to turn America into a socialist, pro-death society. Lines began forming outside abortion clinics soon after the news broke, as women clamored to experience the satisfaction of killing babies.

This year, The Chronicle dares you to look into the face of a crying orphan the next time you inflate a whoopee cushion. You hadn't thought about that, had you? While you spend the day gleefully pulling down the pants of your co-workers, puppies are dying all over the world.

The Pixar animator and director visited the U at a McMurrin Lecture on Tuesday night to discuss the process of turning a story from written words into an actual film and the changing narrative within the production process

Utah picked up its third straight win after a late-game rally propelled the Utes to a 9-6 win over the Wolverines (7-19). The game was scheduled to be played at Franklin Covey Field, but was moved to Orem because of field conditions.

Young posted one of his infamous crimson-colored bow ties on eBay and immediately, thanks to an apparent fan base, the bids started going up in size and quantity. The tie, which is a patented Dolce & Gabbana bow tie, had a select few bidders once the bids surpassed the $5,000 mark.

Tuesday night, panda bears disappeared from every zoo across the globe. Police found the pandas' zookeepers mauled inside the abandoned pens with a message clawed into the bamboo: "Viva panda-monium!"

The Utah Legislature passed a last-minute bill to eliminate the 2010 Legislative Session and purchase Utah football season tickets for all legislators and their families.