- The Daily Utah Chronicle

Unseasonable Weather a Blessing for the Righteous, a Pox upon the Wicked

By By Brother Sallay, Comical Ward Clerk • April 21, 2002

Since the dawn of time, God has cursed and blessed his people through the immutable power of the weather. Noah enjoyed a tropical cruise in a wash of sinners. Moses made a killing off of bottled water after the town's entire supply was diluted with blood. And Lot's family ate like kings the day his wife turned toward Gomorrah.

Dude Can Throw Up on Demand

By By Elvis Faucett, Comical Editor in Chief, By Elvis Faucett, Comical Editor in Chief, and By Elvis Faucett, Comical Editor in Chief • April 21, 2002

Dude, I went to this crazy party last night. OK, so it was really a pretty tame party for a friend of a friend, but they had beer and a guy who can throw up on demand. Can you beat that? What did you do this weekend? That's exactly what I thought. I, on the other hand, shot my grandma's .

Donny Osmond’s Neighbor’s Niece to Speak at Graduation

By By Aurelie Dunn, Comical News Writer • April 21, 2002

As seniors hurriedly complete last-minute core requirements to graduate, the Associated Students of the University of Utah 2002 graduation committee has been hard at work securing this year's commencement speaker: Donny Osmond's neighbor's niece. The designated speaker, a Chelsea S.

Opposite Day Reeks Havoc Worldwide

April 21, 2002

In what was once a childhood excuse for putting a shirt on inside out or wearing the right shoe on the left foot and the left shoe on the right foot, Opposite Day became a reality last Wednesday. Some experts claim that an inexplicable cosmic shift allowed the sun and moon to share the sky for a full 24 hours, which may have led to all the "opposite," or uncommon, occurrences.

A Letter to the Graduation Office: It’s About Time.

By By Leif Mealone, 7th year Senior, Undecided, By Leif Mealone, 7th year Senior, Undecided, and By Leif Mealone, 7th year Senior, Undecided • April 21, 2002

Editor: This letter to the editor is to the graduation office. You know, it's about time. I was starting to think that you would never understand what it is like to have to live in these conditions. I woke up this morning and found out that I had no kitchen.

Bush, Gore Debate U.S. Pollution Plan

April 21, 2002

WASHINGTON?In their sharpest clash since the 2000 campaign, President Bush and Al Gore gave dueling Earth Day speeches Monday?Bush touting his plan to combat air pollution and his former rival contending the White House is sabotaging environmental protections.

Court of Appeals Met With Criticism

April 21, 2002

SALT LAKE CITY?The Utah Court of Appeals, created 15 years ago to reduce a backlog of about 1,000 cases awaiting hearing by the Utah Supreme Court, is under fire for one of its strategies for avoiding a backlog of its own. Utah Supreme Court Justice Michael Wilkins said that the lower court was not providing enough explanation of its rulings.

NFL Draft Features Utes Russell, Ta’amu

April 21, 2002

There were 261 total football players selected in the seven round NFL Draft held on Saturday and Sunday. Two of them were from the U. Wide receiver Cliff Russell and offensive lineman Ed Ta'amu, both seniors, were the Ute hopefuls who heard their names called, going in the third round to Washington, and the fourth to Minnesota, respectively.

After Session Win, U Drops to Fourth in Super Six Finale

April 21, 2002

U gymnastics coach Greg Marsden said his team would have to be "on" to have a hairbreadth of a shot at the NCAA Championships in Tuscaloosa, Ala. The Red Rocks responded by not having to count a fall and posting their best-ever score at a national championships, but the team's fourth-place finish showed how talented rich the Super Six was.

Utah Farmers Face Drought Concerns

April 21, 2002

ST. GEORGE?While urban residents face restrictions on watering their lawns, ranchers and farmers worry about whether their livelihoods will survive the fourth straight year of below-average precipitation. In six decades, St. George rancher LaVar Foremaster has seen his share of droughts, but never, he says, has it been this dry.