The Daily Utah Chronicle

Meyer reaching out to the entire student body

By By Archibald Keen • April 1, 2004

It's all about reaching out to the student body for U football coach Urban Meyer. In his first year at the U, Meyer instilled a new tradition where the team would have to sing the fight song with the students after every home victory. This season, he decided to let two student body members try out and make the team as part of the kickoff coverage squad.

Barry Bonds’ alleged steroid use generates widespread criticism, tits

By By Steve • April 1, 2004

Six-time NL MVP award-winner and San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds will sit out the first three weeks of the major league season recovering from a mammoplasty reduction operation, or breast reduction. After spending the entire off season defending himself against allegations that he received steroids from BALCO, Bonds finally dropped his defenses on Tuesday in an emotional press conference, where he announced he had sprouted man-breasts.

Jeff Blake is not 34

By By Cheap Jewstein • April 1, 2004

The Nationalistic Chronic has learned that journeyman NFL quarterback Jeff Blake is in fact older than his given age of 34. "He tries to act like he's all down with us, but he ain't. We know it. In the locker room he'll listen to some Fitty-Citty or Beyonc, but then he rolls up into his 1988 Chrysler LeBaron and pops in a CD by The Fixx.

Spandex Man dares you to be bored this weekend

March 31, 2004

Is it hard to find a reason to get out of bed these days? Do you suffer from what professionals call severe acute-lazy-ass-wiener syndrome? Well, suck it up because there's always something to do in Utah. One activity to check out this weekend is The Canyons' annual pond-skimming contest and reggae festival, taking place this Saturday, April 3.

Photo: Piece maker

March 3, 2004

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Letter to the Editor: Learn to accept others’ differences

February 18, 2004

Editor: The current debate on homosexuality contains the same verbiage present in discussions the first time African Americans were given freedom or the right to vote, when jazz music became popular, when integration was proposed and when women were given the vote.