The Daily Utah Chronicle

Utes-At-A-Glance

February 17, 2005

Soccer Ute coach Rich Manning announced that five high school seniors have signed letters of intent to play soccer for the Utes next season. "This is a small but potent group," Manning said. "These five new Utes will have an immediate impact." The new recruits feature four players from Utah, and one from Arizona.

White coats don’t make you God

By By Anne Looser • November 18, 2004

Mississippi, Washington and Rhode Island enacted laws allowing pharmacists the right to deny women their birth control based on moral or religious biases. The American Pharmaceutical Association agreed on adopting a policy allowing pharmacists to refuse to fill a prescription based on moral or religious beliefs.

The great rivalry comes full circle

By By Andrew Canon • November 18, 2004

Once upon a time, baseball was considered the national pastime. Summer and fall afternoons meant hot dogs, keeping score on a bleacher seat and watching a pitcher trying to outsmart a batter. In the 1990s, basketball and football reigned. People crowded around TV sets to watch Michael Jordan, John Elway or Troy Aikman dominating the opposition.

Letter to the Editor: Y fans should cheer for a U win

November 18, 2004

Editor: The whole MWC conference should want Utah to beat BYU this Saturday. Sports radio hosts in Denver, whose audience includes fans of Air Force, Colorado State and Wyoming, say that the best thing for the MWC is for Utah to win big against BYU.

Friend’ donations go to newborn ICU

April 14, 2004

The Student Health Advisory Committee is asking people at the U to donate a friend and brighten someone's day. From plush Jeff Gordon dolls to bright, stuffed SpongeBob SquarePants figures, the committee has collected nearly 100 toys, which it will donate to the University Hospital's Newborn Intensive Care Unit.

You might be a brain-dead leftist if…

By By Right-Wing Randy • April 2, 2004

If you've ever accused anyone of being "species-ist," you might be a brain-dead leftist. If you think Dick Gephardt is "too right wing," you might be a brain-dead leftist. If you have ever used "jingoist," "reactionary," or "McCarthyist" as an accusation, you might be a brain-dead leftist.

Meyer reaching out to the entire student body

By By Archibald Keen • April 1, 2004

It's all about reaching out to the student body for U football coach Urban Meyer. In his first year at the U, Meyer instilled a new tradition where the team would have to sing the fight song with the students after every home victory. This season, he decided to let two student body members try out and make the team as part of the kickoff coverage squad.

Barry Bonds’ alleged steroid use generates widespread criticism, tits

By By Steve • April 1, 2004

Six-time NL MVP award-winner and San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds will sit out the first three weeks of the major league season recovering from a mammoplasty reduction operation, or breast reduction. After spending the entire off season defending himself against allegations that he received steroids from BALCO, Bonds finally dropped his defenses on Tuesday in an emotional press conference, where he announced he had sprouted man-breasts.

Jeff Blake is not 34

By By Cheap Jewstein • April 1, 2004

The Nationalistic Chronic has learned that journeyman NFL quarterback Jeff Blake is in fact older than his given age of 34. "He tries to act like he's all down with us, but he ain't. We know it. In the locker room he'll listen to some Fitty-Citty or Beyonc, but then he rolls up into his 1988 Chrysler LeBaron and pops in a CD by The Fixx.

The Chronicle Sucks: The house that suck built

April 1, 2004

Something sucky this way comes: Teddy bears for children suck. Pink teddy bears for children are even worse. Acid rain, unless it makes you think the clouds are bleeding. Not being tall enough to ride the cool rides. The Patriot Act possesses scary amounts of suck.